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Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Tossers, Breasts and Boners...


Who says the British aren't adventurus?? Rio has the amazin an colourful Carnival - months of preperayshun, costume making and korryograffy....Australia has the wonderful Mardi Gras - where again preps start way in advance and the event is filled with colour, fun and excitement....then her in Britain we have - 'Pancake Tuesday' preps start about 20 minits before the event (batter making) then we become a nation of tossers!!!! Ah well....it's tradishon isn't it....Hope you enjoyed tossing your batter and had a great 'Pancake Tuesday'....


Well I'm typin this with the sun shining through my back door....warm and welcoming.... (the sun not my back door) and Sunday I nipped over the naybors wall to get some fresh daffodils to take to nosey neighbourhood watch couple as they cooked me a nice roast....you can see from this picture spring is busting out all over!!! Now talking about my Sunday roast at nosey neighbourhood watch mans house....it started as it usually does....me washin me bedroom window in me bra n panties....he's over like a shot.... 'fancy a roast Bev' well I'm not one to turn down a free roast! Thank god for her katteracts and dodgy hearing....I'm not in there 5 minits and he's off....the lamb isn't the only bone in their house when I'm there...Look, and poor Lillian is oblivyus to it.....


Anyways, Lillian nips out to start dinner and he 'starts' asking me if I enjoy his meat on a Sunday....how he loves it when the lamb juice runs down me kleevidge....then like a bolt out the blue Lillian shouts from the kitchen - 'Bev, do you like your breasts rolled and stuffed? Frank does and did mine this morning, hang on I'll show you'  I nearly shat a love egg.....me mind boggled....then she walked in with 2 breasts of lamb Frank had prepared earlier.....


Well all that fuss over the Oskars....I can't be arsed with them meself....I'm happy with me Pound Paradise award....but it's compulsive watchin....I like to see the frocks.....well did yer see the famus Selfie Ellen De Genitals took.....I felt sorry for poor Liza Minelli....she didn't know if she was in New York, New Jersey or New Delhi.....Here it is if you missed it....recognise anyone?

 
Talkin entertainment it was the final of dancing on ice this weekend....O..M..G..how garjus is Ray Quinn....I sooo would.....me fanny was biting me leg off thru me leggings....he deserved to win....I had a little flash back to me n Pip Schofield....a ikkle ree kuring dream I have from time to time.....a gerl can dream can't she.....Right, must dash....me Charlie needs airing and the sun is shining......enjoy this lovely weather....catch yerz later....
 



Catch yerz later!
 
Bev
XXXX


Sunday, 2 March 2014

London..Lashes N Paparatzi Flashes...

Iyaaaaaaaaaaa....how's you?....Sweet baby yazu me feet havent tutched the ground again this week....so much goin on.....firstly Pound Paradise news....we have ackwired a new magazine just launched... 'Thai'd To You' aimed at the 3 F's jenerayshon.... 'Fat, Fifty & Fleeceable' subskripshons gone thru the roof already.....many havin the inishals 'MP' after their names...dunno wat thats about....so look out for it....tell yer friends too...

Well whood hav thort it....Beverly Macca in So Ho in London....yep....I'm like a fully fledged Cockernee....another trip to London....this time a guest of the lovely Lindsey Cole...the bewtiful (natchurally not enhanced) fiyonsay of cute comedian Russell Kane.....I bet I'm not the only one to say Russell Kane took me up the Sanctum!!! I ad a crackin night....Lindsey was launchin her new Total Minks Lashes....ded excitin....I know she will do well....the place was heevin wiv slebritees....a lot of them from TOWIE - everyone wanted my ring on their finger.....so obvs I obliged....First off the rank was Mr Kane himself....he made a comment how snug my ring was on his finger....it made me blush....I became aroused...my one workin nipple shot out like a rivet.....I had to coax the non working nipple out with a strawberry Lickrish from Essex Candy Cart....



Cooled meself off with a Midori cocktail....not a bottle of Lambrini in site....then I got a strong wiff of Leather....then the vision in black appeared....the garjus and glamerus Lizzy Cundy stood before me....like a life size Chamois....before I know it she's only slipped my well polished ring on her pinky.....love that woman....makes me laff so much on Twitter....calm yerselfs fellas...


Came out and I woz blinded by the light as the famus song goes....Paps everywhere...they were houndin me....and I mean houndin me...... to get out the way..........they like to tease.... 


Ended the night in style....kebab from Mustaffa's and an hour on Blendr....before I know it I've got off and me alarm is buzzin....I was up the ITV Stewdios again....OMG....how miserable is everyone on the Choob....Look at this lot....I soooooooo wanted to jump up and do a bit of Pharrell...'Happay...come along and clap with me like a Tube without a smile'....


Went to see lovely Lorraine for a catch up after our interview.....she's no shame....she only had my frock on I'd lent her ages ago for the show that mornin.....more front than Harrods....but yer can't get angry with her....I was gettin ready for a photo with her on the famous sofa...nipped to the loo to offload last nights caterin....when I got back me head gay had only gegged in.....she'd nipped off for her morning offload so I missed out.....pretty in pink...


Kwick coffee in the Stewdio cafe at ITV before I'm whisked off to the This Morning stewdio for a visit....I've never seen so many peeple in one place with clipboards, radios attatched to their waists n skype headsets on with mics......must be a kwalifikayshon you need to work at ITV...as the double doors opened to Stewdio 8 where This Morning is fillumed I had flashbacks....I could hear the theem choon....smell the ferrymoans of male presenters gone by......Dicky Madeleys Old Spice...John Leslie's Joop....Eamonn Holmes's Jizz...and today it was Pip's Paco Rabanne.....with a hint of Holly's Charlie.....I was sent....It wasn't long before I was overpowered by the wiff of Kouros....yes it was Magic Mulhern....heez garjus....we'd only just greeted when he took me up the Hub....yet again....I nip to the laydees room and head gay gegs in and gets the picture....I was ragin....Here's me 3 favrit boyz....like a male version of Charlie's Angels.... 'Bob's Blokes'......lovely Jonathan Rudge on the end....



Had a long lunch up the Mulberry Bush opposite the ITV towers with me lovely Leanne....2 and a half hours later I had to feed her into the lift back up to the 21st floor to face the wrath of Warn!.....next stop I'm up the West End....the lovely Kevin Kennedy who many will know and loved as Coronation Street's Curly Watts had very kindly left me a ticket for hit musical We Will Rock You - O...M...G....Amazing show....you MUST see it if you are in that London....what a way to end a perfect couple of days.....Big thanks to everyone who helped make those 2 days speshal.....inclewdin the lovely Gina Lyons -Sparkling rings you were a star and got mine gleaming!
Laterz.....Love Bev XXXX

Pee Ess - If you've not heard any of me LIVE interviews with Lorraine Kelly, Fern Briton and Ross King, here's the link - Enjoy!