off with a bang!

well the weekend is here an it started wiv a bang...no not that bang...me bastard shower blew up last nite wen i woz gettin ready to go out. twiggy did it a while ago wen we waz daytin. i ended up avin to go out to the shed and hose me nancy with cold water. i could feel me flaps clamp like a penis fly trap as the cold water hit. iron lung lill from next door was watchin out of her window shakin her bleedin head. i just turned me arse to her and let rip. she nearly poppped a sanatogin...

also ruined a pair of me sexy nickers last nite. pat pong pete gets me copies of Victoria's Secret stuff. they are called Lillian's Lie. identical to the real stuff half the price. well i popped a cuple of me love eggs up me hoop last nite to get me juices flowin. I felt the buggers go off while i was chopmpin on me deep fried toffee balls at the chinky. i left them up there coz i didn't want to get toffee sauce on me minge. when i went to the loo later in the nite me crotch was burnt thru in me nickers. id used them cheap shite batteries from our shop an theyd leaked right thru me labia onto me nickers.

Can you belive the bevlar didn't cop off last nite. i must be losin me touch. well I say didn't cop off -  ken wong way who owns the chinky gave me a freebie last nite. yer see he likes a chopstick up his arse while he haz one off the wrist into a bowl of chickin and sweetcorn soup....don't ask. I have to do the chopstick an talk dirty to him. its friggin hard too doin that an tryin to eat me speshal fried rice. things i do for a free feed. right off for carry on karryoke tonight at the socshial club. yer have to dress as yer fave carry on caracter. im torn between hatty jakes an barbara windsor. laterz.